Which Jersey Are You?

December 8th, 2006

By: CRS Staff

One interesting byproduct of the Browns lack of competence since their 1999 return is the absence of an identity.  Most good teams have one guy who symbolizes the franchise both on and off the field, and the fans rally behind that guy and buy his jersey in droves.  For the Packers, that means every Cheesehead needs a Favre jersey.  In New England, Tom Brady is The Man.  The Browns?  At most Browns home games you're just as likely to see the jerseys of guys either out of the league or on injured reserve than actual all-pro caliber players.  With so many stiffs, draft busts, and characters to choose from, it's no wonder Browns fans have not had a consensus on which jersey to sport.  What exactly a specific jersey says about your personality is a whole different story.

Here then, is what each jersey says about a Browns fan's personality:

Charlie Frye (#9) - You embrace mediocrity, and likely suffer from an inferiority complex.  A diehard Ohioan, 85% of your wardrobe is comprised of Browns, Indians, Cavs and Buckeyes gear.  You were so convinced the Browns were close to contention this year that when LeCharles Bentley was signed, you told your friends he was "the missing piece to a Super Bowl championship."  You have at least one close friend who lives in Parma.

William Green (#31) - You are known to make rash, unwise decisions.  Your co-workers know you as a guy with some talent, but no ability to focus for more than five minutes on anything.  At some point in your past you have considered quitting your job to sell Amway.  If your friend was stuck in jail and needed someone reliable to come bail him out, you would be the last person he'd call.

Kellen Winslow (#80) - Known for having a chip on your shoulder, you are 10X more likely to get out of your car at a busy intersection and challenge the guy tailgating behind you to a fight.  You routinely tell co-workers that you are smarter than them, and often refer to yourself in the third person.  Your other favorite pro athletes include Ron Artest, and Mike Tyson.

Braylon Edwards (#17) - You are probably employed in Sales or Human Resources, or some other profession where you are overpaid for your actual contributions to the company.  You secretly believe that your friends are lucky that you hang out with them.  You're also 3X more likely to have become a Browns fan in the past 2 years, and probably couldn't identify a pass interference penalty if your life depended on it.

Bernie Kosar (#19) - At least 30 years of age, you wear your Kosar jersey in silent protest of the new Browns.  You complain about the sterility of the new stadium, and the corporate mentality of the new franchise.  Your friends think you live in the past.   NOTE: If you wear a Dallas #18 Kosar jersey, the above still applies, only you are also likely to have a vindictive mean streak that may eventually land you in prison.

Kelly Holcomb (#10) - See Green, William (#31), above.

Jim Brown (#32) - In the blue-sky world you live in, Cleveland is still relevant in the sports world, and the previous 40+ years never happened.  When the Browns lose, you are known to wax poetic with philosophical sayings like "they didn't execute the coaches' game plan to the best of their athletic abilities, and that is why they were not successful."  Most of your friends secretly think you're a pompous jerk.

And finally....

Big Dawg (#98) - You weigh at least 275 pounds (even if the real Big Dawg does not anymore).  You could eat 50 chicken wings in one sitting if given the opportunity.  You've only attended one Browns home game where you didn't get in a fight with a fan of the opposing team.  Your favorite Browns memory is the time you passed out in the Muni Lot, and didn't wake up until Monday morning.