CRS Review - Cavs Home Opener

 

By CRS Staff

 

Well, so much for the scouting reports that said LeBron couldn't shoot 3's.  Unlike its predecessors, season three of the LBJ Era came in with more pomp, circumstance and expectations than the two previous editions combined (let's just hope it doesn't end like the train wreck of the past two years).  In addition to being the Chosen One's Junior year, 2005-06 is also the first full year of the Dan Gilbert administration.  He's made a few changes at the 'ole fieldhouse, and CRS was there for Opening Night to record the first impressions.  In no particular order, here are our top ten observations:

 

1) The First Arena Experience - Getting Frisked

 

Ahh, sellout crowds mean waiting in lines deeper than Hopkins to make it through the security checkpoint.  Nothing like a little pat down on your way to the game.  But hey, this is no sacrifice compared to NBA players like Allen Iverson having to shell out a few bucks to buy some decent suits to wear to work.  They're the real martyrs - I should just feel fortunate to have a chance to watch an NBA game in person.

 

2) 'The Diff'

 

OK.  So I know by now you've already heard about this new scoreboard feature which automatically subtracts the Cavs opponent's score from theirs so you don't have to do any math.  Yes, it really is a bad idea.  However, the endless banter between my friends and I cracking jokes all night like "Hey guys, can you tell me the point differential right now?  I'm having trouble carrying the one..." make this little feature tolerable...at least until the 3rd quarter when the jokes finally got stale. 

 

3) 'The Q-Sticks'

 

ExQuse me?  Whose Qrazy idea was this?  In case you don't know what I'm talking about, the Q-Sticks are a bunch of guys who come out to play music occasionally during timeouts...sort of like a poor man's dance team (see #5 below), except with instruments you played in 8th grade band instead of the hot chicks with skimpy outfits.  Hey wait, just had a great corporate tie-in idea - how about getting Johnson & Johnson to sponsor the opening jump ball and call it the 'Q-tip'?  To reinforce the point (wait, no pun intended - hey, see how fun this could be!) you could show Moondog cleaning his ears with a Q-tip on the scoreboard.  I think this would be way cooler for them than those stupid baby commercials they show all the time....let's hope that someone in the Cavs brass reads CRS and makes a cold call (if they do, I want a cut).

 

4) Roooonnnie Duuuuunnncan

 

Having new Cavs public announcer Ronnie Duncan do his best impression of 'Mason' (PA guy) from The Palace of Auburn Hills is really a rip-off of the guys in Detroit.  I felt really sorry for the Cavs statisticians squeezed into tight quarters along the scorer's table.  Seriously, they were shoulder to shoulder down there.  I can only pray they provided the people immediately around Duncan with spit towels to protect themselves from the 48-minute shower they had to have endured.

 

5) The Dance (without any real clothing) Team

 

Just a few years ago they were the only bright spot in a typical Cavs home contest, unless the other team happened to have a star player like MJ or Shaquille O'Neal to keep you interested.  Relegated to somewhat of a sideshow in the thrill ride that is now every Cavs home contest, it appears the girls have tried to maintain their stature by hiking up those skirts just a little bit higher.  During one routine in which they ripped off full-length trenchcoats to reveal their undergarments beneath, I think I saw everyone in section 108 actually blush.  That said, perhaps the scariest dance team-related feature is posting the girls names and pictures on the outer-ring scoreboard while they perform.  Great if you're a stalker, not so great if you're one of the girls.  I just hope they have someone walking them to their cars after the games.

 

6) Halftime 'Pick 3', A Bad Omen?

 

The winning Pick 3 numbers (announced at halftime) for Wednesday were actually 666 - mark my words, this cannot be a good sign for the season.  Let's not forget this is a Cleveland team after all.  But I digress...

 

7) Michelle Williams

 

So in the first of many upgraded celebrity performances this season, the Cavs welcomed Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child to sing the national anthem and perform at halftime.  While that's impressive and all, my question is where was the obvious duet with Usher here?  Wait, are the two of them dating?  Are they friends?  Did they maybe date before and have an awkward break-up or something?  I'm so out of the loop on this stuff.  Never mind, forget I even brought this up.

 

8) Freebies, freebies, freebies

 

If you like the free stuff (and who doesn't), the Cavs had plenty of freebies to give away on the way into the arena.  T-shirts, schedule magnets & glow-in-the-dark necklace thingies were in plentiful supply.  Nothing like waiting in a line 17-deep to get through security, then wait in another line 33-deep to get some cheap free things after you've forked over $60 bucks for a ticket.  However, like Iraqis waiting in line for government-provided toilet paper, my friends and I dutifully waited for our handouts too.

 

9) 'Cool Hand' Luke

 

The first night's favorite Ronnie Duncan nickname quickly became Luke Jackson's 'Cool-Hand Luke' moniker.  Shouldn't be too hard for Jackson's hand to stay cool as he played for about 90 seconds in garbage time after the game was long decided.  In new coach Mike Brown's defense-first system, Jackson's chances of finding playing time are about the same as Jane Campbell's chances of being invited to a Browns pre-game BBQ in the muni lot on Sunday.

 

and finally....

 

10) The Scoreboard

 

Lot going on up there now, that's for sure.  I do have to point out one obvious glitch that wasn't fixed until the second half - in the spot where the scoreboard was supposed to show individual player stats the main graphic was there, but sans any actual player data.  I think my buddy Tim said it best; "It's like they opened the Excel spreadsheet but forgot to paste the file." (yes, if you guessed my friends and I are a bunch of corporate drones, you are correct.....not to be confused, however, with corporate 'droughns', who are corporate workers that drink heavily after leaving the office....sorry Reuben, that was just too easy).