It's just after 12:00 Noon on Saturday, and the ESPN draft intro music has just ended. Commissioner Paul Tagliabue glides to the podium, announces the 49ers are on the clock, and just like that the NFL Draft is underway. Quickly doing the math in my head I realize that it could be nearly 1PM before the Browns officially kick off the Phil Savage Era in Cleveland with their first pick. That will require me to stomach one too many Suzy Kolber interviews between now and then, but I'm up for the task.

12:20 - After ESPN tries in vain for the entire 15 minutes to get confirmation that Smith is the pick, the Niners finally make it official - Alex Smith becomes the #1 overall pick in the draft. Seeing flashbacks of Tim Couch holding a Browns jersey with Paul Tagliabue 6 years ago, I silently thank Butch Davis for not losing two more games and leaving us in that situation again. Dolphins, who will SURELY draft a RB, are now on the clock...

12:35 - ESPN reports Miami is strongly considering Braylon Edwards. This is despite the fact that Bernie Parmalee may be forced out of retirement to play RB for the Fins if Ricky decides he still can't give up pot for 7 whole months to play football. Huh? Isn't this the draft that's top-heavy with good RB's? Maybe Saban forgot that in the pro game you actually have to draft your players, they don't just sign with you.

12:40 - Miami selects Ronnie Brown. Browns fans across the globe collectively exhale..... It's now apparent Suzy Kolber is conducting the post-pick interviews with all of the guys invited to NYC. Great. Unless one of them tells her he wants to kiss her, I think even Chris Collinsworth could have done a better job, and that's saying something. Oh well, Browns up next. Surely they'll either take Edwards or trade down for more picks, right?

12:50 - ESPN reports Phil Savage may swing a deal with SF for Alex Smith. What in the name of Butch Davis is going on around here? Considering I heard nothing about this in the papers after the fact, I now firmly believe ESPN completely made this up to keep people interested past the first hour. There's just no other explanation.

With the Browns now on the clock, Chris Berman has begun discussing the Browns horrible draft record as ESPN shows a graphic detailing that the team has zero pro bowlers to show for six entire drafts. Nice. C'mon Savage, think you can speed this up a little bit? No really, we're getting hammered over here...

12:55 - Browns make Braylon Edwards their new show pony. Not sold on Dilfer? Who cares - from the looks of the highlights this guy could out-jump Shaquille O'Neal for a jump ball in the end zone. As the camera pans over to his table, my wife screams, "Oh my God, he looks like he's forty". It is worth mentioning that if you put him next to the boyish Alex Smith and ask which one looks more like a polished football player, it really is no contest. I just hope that if Smith becomes the next Joe Montana and Edwards the next Derrick Alexander, no one remembers that I wrote this.

After the pick the huge Edwards clan gathers for a group photo on the NFL Draft stage (random thought - if the 259th pick pays his way to NYC, buys tickets for him and his family to get into the Javits Center, does the NFL allow him to take a family photo from the stage after his selection? I don't think so either.)

1:02 - Time for the post-pick coach's interview. Crennel shows up via video conference from Berea wearing what must be the nappiest business casual outfit in his wardrobe. Very coach-like. As usual he holds his own very well, while giving nothing away with answers like "We're gonna put as many good players on this team as we can." No mention of people playing their guts out, gut feelings in general, football junkies, or long-snappers. Thank god. With the Browns getting their guy, the draft moves on to the Bears and the other 29 first round picks...

Random Thoughts

Other observations made over the course of 239 hours of ESPN weekend programming:

• Does anyone else think Mel Kiper, Jr. may not be a real person? He looks like a caricature of himself, doesn't age, and you basically only see him once per year. I can't figure out if he reminds me more of Dick Clark or Santa Claus.
  
• At what point does too much crying move a guy past "passionate" and into the realm of "emotionally unstable"? I think Cedric Benson may have crossed that line, sometime during the 7th minute of uncomfortable sobbing after being selected by the Bears (this led to my favorite Kolber interview exchange - Kolber; "who is the real you?", Benson, tearfully; "I don't know." This would be great stuff....if we were watching Dr. Phil).
  
• In what was symbolic of his chosen trade, Carnell "Cadillac" Williams avoids being tackled by his family after getting the call from the Bucs, holding the cell phone above his head to keep from dropping it. If he can just react similarly after being hit in the backfield by Ray Lewis, he'll be just fine.
  
• I thoroughly enjoyed a visibly agitated Mel Kiper, Jr. become increasingly annoyed when the first nine teams passed on his consensus top pick, WR Mike Williams. I think if Williams had slipped as far as Aaron Rodgers we might've seen Kiper stand up on the ESPN set and start throwing haymakers at Chris Mortensen & Torry Holt. Damn you, Detroit Lions.
  
• Best reaction shot of the day: A Minnesota fan, attending the Vikings Draft party, looking frozen after his team inexplicably passed up on sure-thing Mike Williams, opting instead for speedster Troy Williamson of South Carolina. It was as if someone had just whispered in his ear that Mike Tice wasn't going to be able to sell him Super Bowl tickets next year...

While only time will tell if the Browns 2005 draft will pay dividends, one thing is clear - if there is an orange and brown hearse parked outside Berea HQ's with "Romeo Must Go" painted on the side next season, it's likely because us Browns fans really are just mean-spirited. This was a draft in which Savage acquired some bling (Edwards), a local feel-good story (Frye), some value-picks (Pool & Perkins), a few need-picks (McMillan, Speegle & Hoffman), and apparently a large tree (328 pound OT Jon Dunn, a 'project'). If things keep going like this, maybe we won't have to hide again from that Steeler fan who works in Accounting every Monday morning come Fall...